Emerald Frylight

Previously:

The Colonel of Two Worlds  - -   Next Fry Day

You thought your lunch was safe...and it essentially is.  But adventure calls!  Once again a hero rises from the deep fried ashes of Valhalla to insure the herbage and spiciness of your meal will be finger lickin' adequate.  So grab a spork and let's dive into the latest extra crispy adventure of Colonel Sanders as he teams up with Green Lantern in "Across the Universe."

Our story begins as Ferris Aircraft monitors the  crash landing of...something.  As those vultures from the press crowd in to get their pound of chicken flesh, a familiar figure emerges with the payload from the downed spacecraft:

Apparently the Colonel has been testing the process of shooting his new Zinger Sandwich into space...for...some reason.  I assume he's trying to break into the intergalactic fast food market.  But since Ferris can't get the job done he turns to one of his super powered pals for help.

"Every member of the Green Lantern Corp is working on this."  Every single member has ceased protecting their respective sectors in order to help move sandwiches around in space.  Seems legit.  On the brightest (day) side, that comes with the opportunity to have some sweet GL cameos:

The (entire membership of) Green Lanterns determine that for some reason the space buckets are showing up to their destinations empty.  Not so much as an herb or a spice (or that one napkin they give you in the drive thru) make the intergalactic trip.  An investigation is in order and that can only mean one thing:  time to get deputizin'.

So the Colonel gets his own ring but there's a bit of a missed opportunity in that he doesn't give himself his own custom GL uniform.  I guess KFC thought his trademark white suit just couldn't be messed with.  But that's the only opportunity they missed since their intergalactic investigation led to a few DC Comics cameos:

After a quick stop at the Source Wall, the cop buddy road trip heads to Rann to say high to Adam Strange.  And then a quick stop at Thanagar:

to check in with Hawk Girl.  At this point it just seems like Green Lantern is showing off all the cool people he knows to the Colonel.  Sanders didn't have enough time to be impressed since they picked up enough clues to lead them right to the prime suspect.

So we then get your standard fight scene as Larfleeze gives his usual spiel about how he's greedy and he wants and wants and wants and that he's totally into these new space sandwiches.  But the Colonel has heard enough and, as the true businessman, comes up with the most profitable solution.

Yep, the logical solution to this problem is to give Larfleeze his very own KFC franchise to run.  Makes perfect sense, right?  Well it doesn't if you don't think about it too much.  All that's left is to give a little praise for a job well done:

Great job guys!  Just like the last couple of issues with the Flash, it looks like they aren't making print copies of this adventure.  Digital only, so grab your copy from Comixology.

Munch Madness 2020

Previously:

Munch Madness 2019  - -  Munch Madness 2018

It'ss that time of year again!  Let the madness commence!  This time it's not just the sweet treats of Little Debbie competing.  We've got some new competitors.  But let's get the main event out of the way:

Congrats to Nutty Buddies, your 2020 Little Debbie Champion!  But they're not alone when it comes to this year's victory.  A&W Restaurants are also joining the fray. 

Full disclosure: I've only eaten there a handful of times.  I usually stop in to satisfy a chili dog craving but I think I've sampled enough of their menu to work my way through the brackets.  Let's see how it turned out:

No surprise here.  Their signature root beer makes a great root beer float and that's our winner.  I'll need to stop by soon to get myself a celebratory dessert.

And finally, the Popicon Blog is ranking the best product mascots of all time.  This one was right up my alley so I had to give it a try.  But there were some tough choices to be made.  I'm still not 100% sure about every win/loss but it is what it is:

Congrats to the one and only Cap'n Crunch for pulling out a victory against some fierce competition.  So what do you think?  Agree?  Disagree?  Feel like arguing any of my picks?  Well, let me have it! 

Mountain Done

Several years back there was a pretty famous lawsuit involving a claim by a soda enthusiast that a mouse was found in his can of Mountain Dew.  The idea of a drowned rodent floating in what was once a refreshing beverage was enough to get headlines on its own but what really got people's attention was Pespi's (the creator of Mountain Dew) "defense."

Their expert testified that the amount of time a can of the Dew spends between going from the factory to the shelf was more than enough to completely dissolve the mouse's flesh.  So essentially they said that the guy couldn't have found a mouse because in the three weeks the little guy would have spent in the can, the bubbly brew would disintegrate it.

This full disclosure of innard tickling really struck a chord with me.  So like any normal person I bought a frozen rat from the pet store and soaked it in a jar of Mountain Dew for several weeks.  Then I made a video about it.  Enjoy! (WARNING: it gets gross)

Smokey Bear Top 5

Beaver's Bend State Park in southeastern Oklahoma is in the middle of a heavily forested area that has been a big part of the lumber industry for years.  That industry, and its history, is celebrated at the park's museum.  Several displays include large murals painted by artist Harry Rossoll.  If you don't recognize the name, you'll definitely recognize his most famous creation:

Since good ol' Smokey fits right in with the Forest Heritage themes of the museum, they have a display of Smokey memorabilia.  So, as I sometimes do, I decided to rank them in a Top Five List.  Let's get started with...

5.  The True Story of Smokey Bear Comic

I've covered this comic before on the blog but I think it's worth mentioning again.  Several product mascots have appeared in comic format before (although not nearly enough) but this one chronicles real life events that led to the Smokey Phenomena.  It's a great piece of an American legacy.

4.  Smokey & His Friends One Act Play Kit

I've never been a huge theater guy but I'd love to see a production of this.  I'm guessing it would be kids in cardboard cutout masks portraying various woodland creatures with an overall message of "Don't light stuff on fire" and that's really all it would need to be. 

3.  Little Golden Book

Slight breach of etiquette here with the inclusion of "the" in Smokey's name but the Little Golden Book franchise is legendary and being included is quite the feather in his famous hat.  I've never seen the Pillsbury Doughboy or the Green Giant in one of these things (even though I'd love to) so Smokey is breathing rarefied air.

2.  Sheet Music

Smokey is not the only ad icon to have his own theme song but he may be the only one with a song that has four verses.  Gather round the piano with the rest of the choir and belt out the Ballad of Smokey...what could be better?

1.  Special Edition Doll

Look at this thing!  I wish there was something in the shot for perspective to show how big it is.  It's pretty good size, maybe slightly smaller than a Chucky doll (for lack of a better comparison).  I don't have any real info on it other than it's a "Special Edition," but it's clearly the star of the display.

Smokey's had a long and distinguished career and his influence has spread to a variety of mediums.  These few examples are hopefully just the beginning of of an even longer influence for years to come.

The Rise & Fall of the Avocardo

The Avacardo had a brief brush with fame a few years ago when it was featured in a commercial for Subway Sandwiches.  It only appeared for a second or two but it made a big impact on viewers...or maybe just me....

You can see its quick (and as far as I know only) appearance here:

I was never sure if this was just a prop for the commercial or an actual working vehicle.  But if Subway was smart they would have gotten this thing on the road ASAP...and maybe team up with the Guac Mobile!

A year or two later this one-of-a-kind beauty was put up for sale.  News broke on the Autoevolution website with pics from the Craigslist listing:

Looks like the glory days are well behind the Avocardo.  It's got some slight bruising and is well past its ripe stage.  But I think all it needs is a little TLC (and lemon juice) and I bet that it would be a great project for a guacamole enthusiast.

Here is the actual listing (UPDATE: I guess it sold.  The add has been taken down).  Feel free to make an offer.  Thanks, once again to Uncle Frank for the heads up!

The Shoe Maker

There's no bigger food icoan than Ronald McDonald and when he needs to get around, his ride of choice is the Big Red Shoe Car.  There are  a few different versions out there.  The one in the Houston metro area was created by Jason Barnett and I had the chance to talk with him about his four-wheeled footwear.

Me: How did you get involved with the creation of the Shoe Car?

Jason Barnett: In about April of 2002, a friend of mine was one of the local Ronald McDonald's that made appearances at McDonald's events. He came to me and said that the Texas Gulf Coast McDonald's were looking to have a promotional vehicle made is the shape of a Ronald McDonald clown shoe and that they were going to have some of the local art car parade guys bid and build it. My friend Bill (Ronald), told me of a meeting that was to take place the next day in Houston about the shoe car idea and if I wanted to get a bid in that I had better have something ready by that morning. I immediately did a quick sketch of my idea and built a remote control model of my idea using a PT Cruiser remote control car that I bought and removed the body from.

JB: I worked all through the night and at about 5 am the remote control car was finished. The problem was, at the time I lived in Midlothian and it was a 4 hour drive to the meeting. I drove all the way down to Houston and handed over the car sketches and the remote control model. Bill is the ultimate in presenters and showmen. He waited for the meeting to start with all of the board members at their giant table and then flung open the doors and drove the remote control car into the room. Instantly my phone was ringing and the board wanted to meet. Over the next few months we went back and forth over the design and over a year later I received a check to get started.

Me: How long did it take to design and build?

JB: The actual construction process involved about two years of hard labor and itching from the fiberglass body. I had underbid the project so badly that I had to take on other jobs to fund the project. If not for that blunder, it would only have taken about a year to complete. As I was building the car, improvements were made to its design. The first thing was that I decided to make the entire nose of the car flip forward to access the engine and I decided to have suicide doors.

JB: The car was about 8ft wide in the front and narrowed down to about 4ft wide at the rear. It would have been very difficult to get to the engine with a normal car style hood. Originally the car was to be built on a 2003 Chevy1/2 ton truck chassis with a 6 cylinder engine. When I went down to buy a truck from the dealership, they made me a better deal on a truck with a V8 and cruise control. I have personally driven the shoe car well over 100mph!

Me: What was your favorite part of the process?

JB: As far as my favorite part of building the car goes. I would have to say that was when I got the fiberglass body back in from the workshop that hand laid the fiberglass. We didn't use molds. I carved the shape of the car out of huge blocks of foam and then coated them with layers of drywall mud to fill in the imperfections. The giant mock-up was sprayed with latex paint to create a barrier from the fiberglass. Once the fiberglass was laid up on the mockup and cured, I popped the new fiberglass body off of the foam. I still had a lot of hand work to do to the body, but at that point the car was coming to life. Anytime a new part was added- doors,hood, hatchback,etc., it was necessary to drive it around to test for problems and rattles. There was nothing like watching kids and adults freak out as I drove past in the 23 ft long shoe.

JB: I had it in my head from the beginning that I was going to be able to pull this off entirely by myself. Luckily for me, I had a lot of friends and family that volunteered and spent endless days and nights to make this project a reality.

Check out Jason's website for more of his unique work:

http://www.jasonbarnett.net

He's a very talented guy and we hope to cover his upcoming projects so check back soon for more details!

Breakfast Feud

The best feuds usually have a few things in common: they are longstanding & involve two evenly matched powerhouses.  This is not that kind of feud.  This is completely one-sided and happened relatively quickly between a popular cereal mascot and an unpopular one.  And even the winner ended up losing...

If you're wasting your time reading a blog about product mascots then you've probably heard of Quisp.  He's the wacky alien mascot who always speaks in his "outside voice" about the cereal with which he shares his name.  Total solo act, right?  Sure, he has that vibe but he was originally a part of a duo.

This commercial was the debut for both Quisp (little alien guy) and Quake (big miner guy).  They were both supposed to be representative of various frontiers.  Quisp cashed in on the excitement of the growing space exploration program since his domain was outer space.  As for Quake, his stomping ground was "inner space."  So he essentially liked to dig in the ground.  Clearly he was at a disadvantage from the beginning.

Before you start questioning the legitimacy of this feud, take another look at the .gif above.  Quisp pulls a gun on Quake!  In their first appearance!  The little announcer guy throws fuel on the fire by immediately instructing kids to pick their favorite (and essentially vote with their wallets...or their parents' wallets).

And just like that, the feud began.  So to celebrate this rivalry, here are some arbitrary facts about the unlikely pair.

They Both Got Merch

Fifty cents and two box tops would have gotten you one of these sweet Quisp or Quake plush dolls that you could eat breakfast with.  Of course, again, you'd have to choose.  I mean, I suppose you could get both but that would take an entire dollar and four box tops and an amount of parental patience and interest that probably wasn't too likely back in those days. 

If you do a search on eBay today of both "Quisp" and "Quake" you'll find that Quisp easily has more merchandise.  Consider it the spoils of war awarded to the feud winner.

Quake Got a Makeover

Miners have yet to really get their due when it comes to showbiz popularity.  And since cowboys were really popular back in the day, the powers-that-be decided it was time for a change.  Perhaps demonstrating a lack of faith in the character, Quake was switched from an "inner space" guy to a "cowboy" guy.  The ad boys leaned into it and produced a commercial showing Quake hopping into a makeover machine and coming out a lean, mean cowpoke desperate to sell cereal.

The Duo Was a Trio Briefly

In that age of prosperity, cereal was selling and "more" was "better" so Quaker decided to roll out a third cereal...perhaps an eventual replacement for Quake?  So Simon the Quangeroo was born and his orange flavored cereal hit the shelves. 

Perhaps indicative of some elitism on Quisp's part, Simon was mainly paired with Quake.  There was one commercial where Simon and Quisp competed with each other in a race across the country but, alas, the fix was in and Quisp took the win.  The loss shook Simon and he inevitably disappeared joining Fruit Brute & Yummy Mummy in fruit flavored obscurity.  

The Gang Existed in the Cap'n Crunch Extended Universe

These days we're used to shared universes, with every Avenger happy to pop up in each other's movies and whatnot. But before our favorite heroes took on Thanos and even before Laverne & Shirley teamed up with Fonzie, an even more epic cross-over took place on the small screen.  

Since all parties involved were owned by Quaker, it wasn't a big deal to get them together for a special occasion.  This occasion was the giveaway of Matchbox Cars and you can even see the animosity between the boys in the .gif above as the poor Cap'n is caught in the middle.

Well, a rivalry like this couldn't last...and it didn't.  Eventually Quake went away, perhaps buried in his beloved inner space, for good.  Quisp continued his reign for several years...until he didn't.  His cereal eventually went away, for the most part, but he's had a resurgence or two over the years.  

You can still find it on the shelves of certain stores if you're lucky.  But if you decide to pick up box, spare a thought for an old friend...a long lost miner/cowboy who never stood a chance in the cutthroat world of breakfast cereals.

Salt Seeing

The Morton Salt Girl has never been one of the more flashy product mascots but she's a bit of a workhorse.  She's been holding her umbrella and spilling her salt for over a century.  Sure, she may be frequently overlooked by flashier guys like Mr. Peanut or the Green Giant but I found a palace where she reigns as queen.

The Grand Salt Palace is just that...a building dedicated to, and made of, salt!  Found in Grand Saline, TX, the museum and visitors center celebrates America's favorite spice.  That's because there's a huge salt deposit in the area and Morton mines it for potato chip lovers everywhere.  It's what you call a "Salt Town."  (I don't know if anybody calls it that but I do.)

So proud of their natural resource, the town built its Welcome Center out of it.   You can build buildings out of rock, and salt is a rock so naturally synergy won the day.  Visitors are even encouraged to taste the salty structure...so we did...

Guess what it tastes like?  If you guessed salt, you're right!  I can't make any claims about how hygienic it is but pretty much every visitor seems to give it a lick.  My advice to new visitors is to try and find an unappealing corner somewhere that has had a minimum of licking.  Good luck!

Inside you'll find the type of pamphlets and local history displays that populate many small town museums.  What makes this one stand out is the free rock salt samples (Spoiler: they taste like salt) and, of course, Morton Salt Girl Memorabilia in its various forms.

As usual, there's a surprising amount of stuff with this particular mascot on it but, to paraphrase Dr. Ian Malcolm, Marketing...finds a way... 

Also on site is the standard little old lady to answer all your salt and salt related questions, an educational video about salt playing on a loop and the obligatory penny smashing machine.  I would definitely recommend a stop at this place if it's only a few hours off your pre-planned route.  But I'm into weird stuff like this.

Now I need to find some water.  I'm feeling thirsty.  But before I go, see if you can spot the old gal among her fellow icons in this commercial:

Keeping Kool Part 2

Previously:

Keeping Kool Part 1  - -  Kool and the Gang  - -  Playing it Kool

Awhile back we cracked open the first issue of "The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man" comics and joined Big Red and the gang on a baseball themed adventured that was hot and sweaty until the forces of good (hydration) won the day.  Now it's time to return to the sun drenched pages of the historic first issue to continue the summertime shenanigans.   Things are happening at the amusement park...big things...

No longer content to ruin fun on a small scale, the Thirsties have rolled out their most perilous prize to parch park patrons.  (I don't know why I felt the need to add such unnecessary alliteration.)  I've never seen a Thirstie this big and neither has anyone else.  The amount of trouble it can cause is in direct proportion to its...proportions...and it proceeds to make itself a general pain to just about anyone it can get to.

Well obviously this kind of thing isn't exactly conducive to summertime fun so a hero must rise.  A few panels earlier we were introduced to a group of kids because, whether it's Kool-Aid Man or the Quik Bunny, young bystanders in the way of danger are a definite necessity.  Okay kids, do what you're here to do:

Sure, we all know that Kool-Aid Man likes to smash through walls but usually is seems like he's coming from the outside in.  But in this case he was clearing enjoying himself in the Fun House (50 cents, not a bad price...even in the 80s) when he got the call and wasted no time making his own exit.

He comes in hot and he comes in swinging!  After a minimum amount of turn-of-phrase, the big man makes with the fisticuffs but it doesn't go his way.

Something's clearly going on here since our boy passed right though the giant Thirsties' leg instead of boiling right inside his own pitcher.  Magic?  Madness?  Or perhaps something far more sinister...science?!?  In order to find out, Kool-Aid Man must take to the skies!

In hindsight, I guess it was best that Kool-Aid Man bought that helicopter instead of renting it because he's definitely using it more than we all thought he would. Let that be a lesson to all you product mascots who are hesitating on splurging on that big purchase.  Follow your dreams!

So it turns out what we're dealing with is less of a giant new species of Thirst Monster and more of a trick of the light.  The Thirstie powers-that-be have invested in holographic technology instead of helicopters in the quest to be jerks so it didn't take more than a well placed mirror to make the great beast get placed firmly in the "Where Are They Now?' file.  Problem solved, right?

 Looks like "Big Thirstie" is out for blood.  Cherry flavored blood!  That doesn't bode well for our hero and this story's gang of kids but Kool-Aid Man is too busy being oblivious at the amusement park to know he's being marked for death.

After a a quick intro between Big Red and the kids, the gang stumbles across an absent-minded scientist who is showing off his brand new rocket at the amusement park for no discernible reason.  Since they're all so giddy from dispatching the giant Thirst Beast they were happy to hop in and take the tour.

 I thought it took a lot of restraint on the part of the writer to choose not to do the "lunch/launch" joke here but it came at the expense of Kool-Aid Man's suaveness.  And just like that, this "Monster at the Park" story becomes an outer space adventure, complete with its own Death Star:

Having headquarters shaped as yourself is a classic villain move and the Thirsties lean into it hard.  Piloting the rocket doesn't seem to be an issue thanks to one of the kids who claimed to have watched a lot of scifi movies thus giving her a spaceship-flying skill set.  But hey, you can't argue with results.  

Always ready for a fight, Kool-Aid Man decides to seize the opportunity to slap around the bad guys some more, so he grabs a jet pack (and of course, his pitcher) and zooms out to do what he does.

Oops, he did it again.  You would think that busting through the exterior wall of a spaceship would get everyone sucked out into oblivion but...no.  It doesn't really get addressed here.  This comic already taught you how to get rid of holograms with a mirror, how much more science do you want?

Kool-Aid Man's thirst for vengeance is slaked fairly quickly since the Thirstie's zap-zap-ray-gun that they tried to shoot him with essentially blew up in their faces.  So with that anti-climax, the only things left to do were some light gloating and flying that rocket back home.

  

Wrongs were righted.  Buckles were swashed.  Thirsts were quenched.  It might not have been Kool-Aid Man's first adventure but it was first issue of what eventually ran a half dozen issues or so.  That means something!  To me, at least...oh yeah!