There are several different types product mascots. Some are verbose and will happily fill your ear with endless information about the product or service they represent. Others tend to stick to catch phrases and maybe a signature move or two. I think it's safe to categorize "Punchy" as the latter. He pitches the great taste of Hawaiian Punch and then proceeds to sucker punch the first guy he sees.
It's his gimmick and it works. You wouldn't expect much more from him and you certainly wouldn't expect him the the hero in any kind of adventure. But awhile back he was the star of his own comic. Ok, not a real comic but one of those comic ads that used to show up in your favorite funny books. Typically, they were single-page affairs but the one I came across recently spread out across four pages! Why was the extra effort and ink expended when Hostess could get it done on one page? The reasoning may have been lost to history but the comic content is here with us today.
So let's set the stage: Punchy lives in "Fruitville" along with his dog "Poochy," his frequent victim "Oaf," and apparently the villainous "Vinnie the Vermin" who is a rat with a pilot's license. As you can imagine, our story begins with Vinnie up to no good.
It looks like Vinnie has somehow altered Mount Citrus, such that it is now expelling what is described as "toxic green goo." The perpetually unhappy "Oaf" is stuck in the goo, which seems to be spreading across Fruitville. No doubt, it's time for action.
You know how Hawaiian Punch is red? Apparently there's a special purple home-brew, available only to Punchy, that gives the drinker the ability to fly. How? Why? Huh? Feels like the details don't really matter because our boy Punchy shotguns a glass and into the air he goes.
It doesn't take long to catch up with the goo-spewing plane and Vinnie the Vermin is sent on his way. It looks like Oaf once again takes the brunt of Punchy's reckless actions as the rat lands right on the beleaguered buffoon. Punchy benefits from and undeniable stroke of luck as he finds a spray can of "Anti-Goo Gobbler" in Vinnie's plane.
A quick shpritz of Anti-Goo directly into the mountain/volcano/MacGuffin is all it takes to get things back to their fruity, fresh status quo. Vinnie heads to the hoosegow and life can get back to normal in the poorly thought out land of Fruitville.
We're left with a sense of accomplishment and hopefully a craving for the sweet, fruity taste that can only be satisfied by poking hole into one of those giant, old-school cans of Hawaiian Punch.
But if you need some tunes to help get your groove back after this goo-filled adventure, there's also a mail-away offer for cassette tape full of the smooth sounds of "Punchy's Sonic Adventures." What I wouldn't give to kick back and relax to a few tracks from that today.
