Roll Call

In the old days Charmin had good ol' Mr. Whipple starring in their commercials.  The serial squeezer was eventually retired and years later Charmin started using (unnamed?) cartoon bears to sell their squeezably soft product.

And it's the "Wiping Bear Family" who are offering loyal Charmin customers a chance to hold the extra large toilet papers rolls steadily in place with a free bathroom accessory that you didn't even realize you needed:

So, of course, I had to immediately have one. The roll extender was available (and still is!) for free on their website.  Now normally, when I fill out a form like this online in order to get some free sample or other goodie, I immediately try to forget about it so the long wait isn't so soul crushing and I eventually forget all about it.  That way if and when I finally get my goodie it's a complete surprise.  But the big surprise in this situation is how quickly my roll extender arrived.

It only took a couple of days to get this beauty and, believe me, I was WAY too excited when it arrived.  Luckily, Charmin had this type of reaction in mind and included installation instructions that would make Ikea envious:

Easy enough, even for a non-handy man.  So now my workshop bathroom has an added toilet paper roll capacity.  But so far I've only been able to try out the extender with a normal sized roll:

But this is just the start.  I plan to put it to the test with the biggest, "sqeezabliest" roll of toilet paper that mankind has invented.  I haven't found it yet but it's good to have goals...

Wal-Man

If you're reading this then, odds are, you've probably shopped at Walmart at least once.  Opinions vary on the mega-chain from brand loyalty for its one-stop shopping to hatred for its competition-crushing ubiquitous nature.  Your mileage may vary depending on how often you need to buy motor oil, pet food and milk at the same time, but there's no denying the company's impact on the country.

The man behind the machine was Sam Walton.  He founded his first store in 1962 and with his great success came the tributes.  If you know where to look you can find Wal-Monuments on your next road trip.

In his hometown of Kingfisher, OK, they wave the Walton flag hard.  This sign announces the town's status as his birthplace as soon as you arrive.  Not too far from there is the town's Walmart (every town's gotta have one, right?).  And there you'll find the real tribute:

Sam's eight foot tall disembodied torso and his faithful dog (and dog food namesake) "Ol' Roy" were erected for the grand opening of the town's store in 2007 and were sculpted by a local artist.  Sam's story may have started here but to see the monuments to his professional accomplishments you need to head one state over.

The founding of Walmart got its own Topp's collectible trading card (above) and the refurbished Walton's Five and Dime (his first store) can be visited on the town square in downtown Bentonville, Arkansas as a part of the Walmart Museum.

The museum is a shrine to the origins of the retail giant and houses store memorabilia like bags, buttons, aprons, early branded merchandise and other pieces of ephemera.  But most of the exhibits are dedicated to the life of Walton and they collect his personal belongings. 

It's an odd memorial for someone who lived so recently.  You might expect too see a life size diorama of an Egyptian tomb or a neanderthal's cave at a natural history museum but this place goes so far as to recreate Walton's office and display it behind glass:

On one hand, I'm glad they resisted the urge to put a mannequin "Sam" in the chair.  But on the other hand, I'm disappointing they didn't go to the expense of building an animatronic "Sam" to push papers around on his desk and occasionally look up to tell his tale to visitors. 

I sometimes wonder what it would look like if my work area was one day put on display for posterity.  Would historians know which order to pile the scraps of paper I no longer need on my desk?  Would they line up my Oscar Mayer Wiener Whistles just right?  I guess history will decide.

The other big piece on display of Sam's is his old 1979 Ford F150:

Apparently he liked to take long drives with the dogs on hunting trips (his Texas hunting license is also on display at the museum) in the truck.  They say that if you look closely at the steering wheel you can see Ol' Roy's teeth marks. 

It's an exhaustive remembrance of a man who made it slightly cheaper and easier for many people to buy tube socks and, like it or not, a big piece of Americana.