Ranger Things

Previously:

Nolan Ryan: The Comic Book  - -  Nolan's Beef at Dairy Queen

It was the early 90s and the corporate synergy stars aligned when Sports Illustrated, Kellogg's and DC Comics decided to mash themselves together into a chunky paste they called "Tony's Sports Comics."  The concept involved the legendary Frosted Flakes mascot teaming up with sports stars to encourage kids to get active and burn off the calories they racked up from, say...I don't know...various sugar frosted cereals?

I've seen other examples with Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Ozzie Smith but, of course, the one I'm most interested in features the great Nolan Ryan.  He played for both the Astros and the Rangers and is one of the top Texas sports icons of all time.

Our story begins in Cooperstown with Nolan and Tony visiting the Baseball Hall of Fame.  They notice a weirdo talking to the Babe Ruth statue and decide to intervene.  Young Paul wants to make it to the big leagues some day but he's weak in the hitting department.  Nolan tells him about some great former players that also couldn't hit worth a darn but it's hardly a comfort and Paul bolts.

Swing and a miss for the would-be mentor.  But Tony is right there for his bro and he's raring to go track down that kid and bug encourage him some more about baseball.  It's the kind of well meaning enthusiasm that only a sugar-buzzed cartoon tiger could have.  In fact, he's so hyped up he feels the need to go through some of the highlights of Nolan's career.

But enough grandstanding!  It's time to track down that kid whose name I think is Paul.  Let's face it, between the All-Star pitcher and the cereal mascot, he was kind of forgettable. Once they eventually catch up with him they suggest that maybe hitting just isn't his thing...but what about pitching?

Now that these two have totally inserted themselves in this kid's life, it was time to start the hard work.  The comic seems to genuinely try to include actual exercise/training information, or at least I think it does.  But since I don't know anything about training to be a pitcher I couldn't tell you if anything is actually accurate.  But there's something about learning a desirable skill form a freebie promotional comic book that seems very natural to me.  That being said, you'll never guess what training for the big leagues involves starting your day with...

Start the training montage!  If you like stories about weight training, stretching, fastball grips and form on the mound then this is the story for you!  Tony and Nolan (mainly Nolan) go over the fundamentals with Paul and they practice, practice, practice!  Or they just tell him to practice and then go back to their respective ranches.  I know Nolan has a ranch and I assume Tony has one too...filled with delicious sugar frosted antelopes and gazelles (with some sliced bananas to keep it healthy)!

Game time!  Later at a impromptu playground ball game, one of the kids gets called home for dinner (perhaps a cross-over story followed up in a Kraft Cheesasaurus Rex comic?) so Paul gets his big shot at the mound.  And, wouldn't you know it, Nolan & Tony's advice pays off!  Paul struck out the batter and I learned the term "whiffed."  But that's not all...

Looks like Paul made it all the way to State!  And all it took was some personal coaching from one of the best baseball players of all time, encouragement from a professional cereal legend, and (reading between the lines here) bowl after bowl of Frosted Flakes!  Sounds like a winning combination to me!

Keeping Kool Part 1

Previously:

Kool and the Gang  - -  Playing it Kool

It's time to once again join the big red boy scout on one (actually, two) of his four-colored adventures to quench thirsts and kick ass.  I've taken a dive into the sweet red waters of Kool-Aid comics before but this one seems to be the first official issue of "The Adventures pf Kool-Aid Man."  And what adventures they are!  Two for the price of none, as this seems to be another promotional freebie.  So let's find a wall and smash though it already!

The first story in our double header starts appropriately enough at a little league baseball game...or at the concession stand to be more precise.  The Thirsties, a group of firey nogoodniks with an urge to get kids parched, commandeer the snack hut and withhold refreshing refreshment from the overheated young players.  There's only one anthropomorphized pitcher that can take care of the situation.

With the fisticuffs done, it was time for Kool-Aod Man to get to know this issue's ragtag group of kids, each one having one (and only one) defining characteristic.  An adventurous bunch, they all pile in to Kool-Aid Man's helicopter (with very little encouragement) and fly off to the Kool-Aid HQ.  Not the most responsible move by the kiddos (or whatever adult was supposed to be supervising) but in the 80s kids just went places with product mascots...it's just what you did back then...

Check this place out.  I wonder who lived here before Kool-Aid Man?  I bet this was a low effort sale for the real estate agent.  If you've ever wondered what KAM's address was, well here it is: Number One Kool-Aid Plaza.  I'm definitely going to file that away for stalking purposes later.

Before anyone could realize how awkward the situation was (a sentient pitcher of sugar water essentially abducting a group of kids), the gang was alerted to some trouble via KAM's trouble alert thingy and off they went to intercede in a volleyball game that was in the process of being ruined by a vicious pack of Thirsties.

I think it's worth noting that Kool-Aid Man picked a spot behind the only sign/structure on the beach specifically so he can burst through it in his trademark style.  So our current "wall destruction" tally is 2.

After making short work of the Thirsties, and not expressing any kind of interest in repairing the property damage he caused, Big Red piled the kids up in his chopper and took them all home.  Which is a good thing since they needed to rest up for their game the next day.

You may not be surprised to learn that, once again, the Thirsties were on the scene stealing bases, overheating hot dogs and just generally being douchey to people who were trying to have a good time.

After one of their shiny shenanigans blinds an umpire and makes him blow a call at home plate, tempers flare and the situation boils over.  So it was time to call in the big gun...

Wall Destruction Tally: 3 and counting. This one gets two pages and I'd like to think it's available as a poster somewhere.  I'd trade in a Kool-Aid point or two to have this work of art framed and hanging over my mantle.

Rampant property destruction notwithstanding, since this is the climax of the story you may be expecting an Avengers-style full on battle scene between Kool-Aid Man, the baseball kids and the Thirsties (with maybe a cameo or two by Great Bluedini or Purplesaurus Rex) but prepare to be disappointed...

...he throws them into a lake.  Also, if there was some foreshadowing earlier in the story about a lake being near the ballpark I must have missed it.  He also doubles down on the "pitcher" pun he seems so fond of.  This is probably his only baseball comic story so I can't blame him for ringing that bell a few times.

With the Thirsties doused, the kids resume the game and imbibe on glass after glass of refreshing Kool-Aid.  Sounds like a fun afternoon to me.  But the fun's not over.  This was just the first of two wet & wacky roller coaster rides in this issue.  Next up?  "There is nothing so cold....as spaaaaacccccccccccee!"

To be continued!

The Hulk Loves Honey-Comb

Cereal commercials tend to follow certain patterns.  Either kids have the cereal and the mascot tries to take it or the mascot has the cereal and the kids try to take it.  Sometimes these patterns are broken up with certain groups sharing cereal or tricking each other out of cereal.  The main point usually tend to be that the cereal is the greatest commodity in the world and everybody wants it.

One variation on the theme is that cereal has the power to solve various problems.  For instance, it can soothe the savage beast.  So when the Hulk finally decided to publicly endorse a cereal this was the obvious theme they ran with.

It was a beautiful 1970's day at the Honey-Comb Hideout.  But trouble soon started when the Hulk showed up enraged from hunger.  His main snack requirement was regarding size so the Honey-Comb Kids had to explain things to him:

It didn't take long for him to get on board and help himself to a heaping bowl:

So after enjoining his fair share of a complete breakfast he goes back from whence he came without so much as a "thank you."  (Although he didn't kill anybody so I guess that's a plus.)

They are are left to do the dishes and change their crap-filled pants.  You can witness the bizarre encounter for yourself:

It would be a few decades later before the Hulk would get his very own cereal.  The 2003 Hulk movie produced an insane amount of promotional tie-ins, the best of which was Hulk Cereal:

It's safe to say that it was the best part of the movie.

Munch Madness '19

Previously: Munch Madness 2018

It's that time of year again...the time when I spend way too much time and effort thinking about snack cakes (and no real time thinking about basketball).  Voting is live on the LD Twitter and here's how my lineup landed:

Launch Time

One of the biggest draws in Houston, TX is the Johnson Space Center, home of NASA.  To get into the spirit, and appeal to tourists, several local businesses have embraced a space motif.  It's not uncommon to to see rockets and spacemen as a part of the neighborhood's decor.  Even the gang with the Golden Arches get in on the fun with a special ambassador welcoming hungry guests:

The fry-clutching astronaut statue has been on the roof of this McDonald's for at least 15 years (around the first time I saw it) and was created by a local Houston artist.  NASA is just down the road from this Micky D's so I like to think it's been frequented by real live astronauts, mission specialists and just rando goofballs from off the street like me.

The theme continues inside.  Sure, I would have liked to see a spaceship themed playground and/or the employees dressed as bleep-blorp aliens but I had to settle for 2-D decor.  All your favorite McDonaldland characters are decked out in their finest space gear in extensive murals along the walls of the play area.

I think it's also worth noting that the "Mac Tonight" guy also makes an appearance.  I'd like to think they added him specifically because he fits in with the celestial theme but my best guess is that the short lived 80s mascot was included because these murals were painted when he was at the height of his "popularity" (and, yes, I felt the need to put the word "popularity" in quotation marks). 

Further dating the artwork is this tribute to the crew of the Challenger.  It's a somewhat melancholy adornment for a playground yet it feels strangely appropriate.  

Morose reminders of national tragedies notwithstanding, it's still a unique enough place to stop in after a a long day of touring NASA to pick up a Big Mac and Space Fries...although I guess they just call them fries.  Anyhoo, more themed McDonald's please!

Sugar Rush Hour

It was a simpler time, 2004.  The highways were filled with various vehicles shaped like hot dogs, candy, cats, fish and everything else you could pick up at the grocery store.  A seasonal treat wanted to get in on the fun and thus the Peeps Fun Bus gassed up and hit the road.

Inside (and out) the brand reminds hungry snackers that Peeps aren't just about Easter, they have flavors and designs for just about every holiday you can think of.  You can get your sugar rush all year round.

Visitors to the bus got free treats, played games and learned of the existence of Fourth of July Peeps.  There were also lots of dioramas with various shaped Peeps involved in various activities.

At the time, I was fortunate to line up a video shoot of the bus and an interview with the wacky lady who drove the behemouth.  To my knowledge, the Fun Bus has been in retirement for years, so sit back and check out (what is probably) your only opportunity see the sugar coated, mulit-colored splendor that is the Peeps Fun Bus:

Playing it Kool

Previously:

Kool and the Gang

Kool-Aid Man was up always up for adventure.  Whether it was busting through walls or smacking around his arch nemesis "Scorch," there was nothing the handled-one couldn't handle.  In addition to starring in tons of commercials, he also headlined his own freebie comic for several issues.  But before those mini-marvels got us hyped for saving up Kool-Aid points there was a brief precursor series where Big Red took a backseat and let a couple of clowns do the heavy lifting.

So these two guys are the stars or Kool-Aid Komics #1 and they must have not made a great impression because not only can I not find any information about them, I'm pretty sure this is their only appearance.  So let's give the boys their due and take a look at what went down in 1975.

The bulk of pages are filled with your standard low effort, corny gags, jokes and comics.  And, of course, these two are front and center on most of the pages with Kool-Aid Man maybe showing up in the corner or to slap his seal of approval on a puzzle or maze.  Speaking of which...

I don't know if the kids today are still connecting dots, but it used to be a fairly common pastime. After some minimum effort, the connector is rewarded with this picture of a frog (and the answer to the riddle).  Of course, I took the fun out of it by doing it for you.  Soak it in...soak it in...

Instead of going through page after page of knock knock jokes and comic gags, I thought I'd just pick the best one.  You can see it above.  At the time, King Kong was at the forefront of popular culture for no particular reason.  Add in sequined bell bottoms and you've got quite the time capsule.  None of this has anything to do with Kool Aid though...

But Kool-Aid Man does show up to remind us to get hustling and round up that paper.  Paper Kool-Aid points, of course.  Back in the old days you could save up the points that came on Kool-Aid packets and trade them in (along with a certain amount of cash) for stuff.  Sometimes good stuff.

I can't imagine what Kool Aid's Earth and Ecology book has to say about the environment but there's no amount of Kool Aid points I wouldn't trade for it now.  The Kool-Aid Drink Stand is something I know the young me would have wanted but never actually used.  Starting a small business is intimidating.

 And just like that, Kool-Aid Man essentially shoves these guys off-stage and out of the spotlight forever.  We may never know anything more about them (and there may not be any more to actually know) but the next time you kick back with a nice, cool glass of Great Bluedini be sure to pour one out for this plaid pantsed pair.

Swim Fan

It's been several years since the Pepperidge Farms Goldfishmobile exited off the highway of our hearts.  I was lucky enough to see it before it swam away for good (although I'm still holding out hope it will return some day).  So today, just for fun, here's a look back at the yellow beauty in a clip from one of my documentaries:

Sweeping Changes

As a bit of a postscript to from one of my other blogs, and to kick off National Chimney Safety Week, I present a new friend I made on the road. 

The giant Chimney Sweep Statue greets people on I-135 between Wichita and McPherson, Kansas. He's a striking site that comes out of nowhere while you're in the middle of nowhere. His roguish smile and Dick Van Dyke-esque demeanor conveys a sense of old school chimney sweepery that is sadly missing in our modern world of dirty smoke stacks.

However, as many people do, he started out in a different industry before his career change:

Happy Chef is/was a chain of restaurants in the Midwest that each had Happy Chef statues out front greeting hungry travelers with a smile and a spoon. They also had a button you could push to hear the Happy Chef give you, what I assume was, a happy message.

Sadly most chefs are gone but some have been re-purposed like our friend here. If you're one the road in the middle of Kansas, stop by and say "hi." 

Mr. Peanut's Wild Ride

Previously: Shell Stop

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile isn't the only giant food shaped novelty car on the highway.  Mr. Peanut has his own honey roasted ride too!   This is the second version of Planter's Nutmobile and has been on tour for years now.  If you haven't seen it in person, you can spot it every year in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

A few years ago I was luckily enough to see this beauty in person and I even got to ride in it!  Here's the video I shot:

The Crave and the Fold

If you remember the old days of Mad Magazine (and/or possibly the current run) you may remember the last page always had the "fold-in" gag.  It was a picture that took on new meaning when you folded the page to reveal a new image hidden in the drawing.

I'm not sure that's a great explanation, but come on, you know what it is.  Probably because you've also seen it in ads for some of your favorite products.  In fact, our pals Count Chocula and Frankenberry used the format to announce the return of an old friend:

Like most of the old Mad fold-ins, you can probably guess what the gag is without folding it.  But who wants to live in a world where you don't fold things?  Let's fold!  Fold hard!

Just like in Mad, the edges never seem to line up perfectly but maybe that's part of the charm.  As you probably guessed, this was an add announcing one of the many returns of Yummy Mummy!  He was the next best thing when Frute Brute wasn't available.

Several brands wanted in on the fold-in action and you can find several of them in old comic books.  As a bonus, here's one from Chips Ahoy:

You can probably see where this one is going but let's take a look at it after the foldening:

If you guessed it was going to be something cookie related, you were right!  It kind of looks like some kind of primitive Pac-Man/cookie hybrid puking out brown lines or maybe shouting.  I want to give Pac-Cookie a name but I'm afraid I'll grow too attached.

Anyhoo, I'll post more fold-ins if/when I find any more.

Next Fry Day

Previously:  Flash Fried

The time has come to tag along on another adventure with an American Icon.  But this time, not just one Colonel will do (although I guess, technically, there were two Colonels last time).  It's time for the Colonel Corps!

The next issue of the KFC/DC combo meal takes it to the next level with a tour of the DC Multiverse and a collection of Colonels that rival any previous Crisis on Various Earths.  Our story begins with the Colonel of Earth-3, Colonel Sunder, finger licking his wounds after his last confrontation with Colonel Sanders and the Flash (both from Earth-1) when he receives a mysterious visitor:

Meanwhile on Earth-1, our Colonel is also recovering from the previous confrontation.  Apparently many of his employees fell under the sweetly seductive spell of Sunder and are now not working up to the Colonel's standards.

You see, Colonel Sanders is all about doing things the hard way whereas Sunder is all about the shortcut.  So maybe the employees aren't cooking the chicken all the way through?  Salmonella is not your friend on any Earth (except maybe Bizarro World).

It's worth noting that the last issue was a team-up between the Colonel and the Flash (with a little assist from Green Lantern) but this adventure is definitely Colonel-centric.  So if you were yearning for more Colonel Sanders in your life, then this adventure is definitely for you.

While getting his house in order, Earth-1 Colonel is overcome by a mental attack from an unknown source.  He wakes up to the sight of the Colonel and the Flash from Earth-11:

After a little exposition we learn that all the Colonels have had their memories wiped.  They each only retain 1 of the 11 secret herbs and spices that make up the KFC recipe.  The solution was then obvious: hop on the Cosmic Treadmill and go from Earth to Earth collecting Colonels and therefore the herb and spice knowledge necessary to recreate the Secret Recipe!

The Earths/Colonels they found include (but are not limited to):

Hardcase Harlan from Earth-19 (the so-called "SteamPunk" Earth)

Koln-El from Earth-22 (the Kingdom Come Earth)

Kolonel from Earth 51 (the "Kamandi" Earth)...which seems to have some upsetting connotations since he is clearly a chicken that fries and serves other chickens for his patrons.  But that's a story for another time.

Several other Colonels from several other Earths (including one from the 31st Century who cooked for the Legion of Super Heroes and the Bizarro Colonel) hopped on board for the cause.  They eventually track down Colonel Sunder and his mysterious ally who turns out to be...Colonel Grodd!!

So now Sunder and Grodd must face the combined might of the Colonel Corps: an elite team of southern fried superheroes representing the 11 herbs and spices of justice!  (Also, don't forget, the Flash of Earth-11 is there too):

It doesn't take long for our heroes to take out the bad guys.  They even repel a psychic assault from Grodd who tempts them to take the easy way out...but the easy way doesn't get that chicken fried, does it?

So once again, evil is defeated and lunch is served.  We have to assume that all the Colonels were returned to their rightful Earths and Sunder and Grodd were incarcerated, never again to take away delicious meals from society.  The End...or is it?!?!?