Goo Fellas

 There are several different types product mascots.  Some are verbose and will happily fill your ear with endless information about the product or service they represent.  Others tend to stick to catch phrases and maybe a signature move or two.  I think it's safe to categorize "Punchy" as the latter.  He pitches the great taste of Hawaiian Punch and then proceeds to sucker punch the first guy he sees.

It's his gimmick and it works.  You wouldn't expect much more from him and you certainly wouldn't expect him the the hero in any kind of adventure.  But awhile back he was the star of his own comic.  Ok, not a real comic but one of those comic ads that used to show up in your favorite funny books.  Typically, they were single-page affairs but the one I came across recently spread out across four pages!  Why was the extra effort and ink expended when Hostess could get it done on one page?  The reasoning may have been lost to history but the comic content is here with us today.

So let's set the stage: Punchy lives in "Fruitville" along with his dog "Poochy," his frequent victim "Oaf," and apparently the villainous "Vinnie the Vermin" who is a rat with a pilot's license.  As you can imagine, our story begins with Vinnie up to no good.  

It looks like Vinnie has somehow altered Mount Citrus, such that it is now expelling what is described as "toxic green goo."  The perpetually unhappy "Oaf" is stuck in the goo, which seems to be spreading across Fruitville.  No doubt, it's time for action.  

You know how Hawaiian Punch is red?  Apparently there's a special purple home-brew, available only to Punchy, that gives the drinker the ability to fly.  How?  Why?  Huh?  Feels like the details don't really matter because our boy Punchy shotguns a glass and into the air he goes.  

It doesn't take long to catch up with the goo-spewing plane and Vinnie the Vermin is sent on his way.  It looks like Oaf once again takes the brunt of Punchy's reckless actions as the rat lands right on the beleaguered buffoon.  Punchy benefits from and undeniable stroke of luck as he finds a spray can of "Anti-Goo Gobbler" in Vinnie's plane.  

A quick shpritz of Anti-Goo directly into the mountain/volcano/MacGuffin is all it takes to get things back to their fruity, fresh status quo.  Vinnie heads to the hoosegow and life can get back to normal in the poorly thought out land of Fruitville.

We're left with a sense of accomplishment and hopefully a craving for the sweet, fruity taste that can only be satisfied by poking hole into one of those giant, old-school cans of Hawaiian Punch.  

But if you need some tunes to help get your groove back after this goo-filled adventure, there's also a mail-away offer for cassette tape full of the smooth sounds of "Punchy's Sonic Adventures."  What I wouldn't give to kick back and relax to a few tracks from that today.

Well Suited

Do you remember this super heroically designed Dr Pepper vending machine:

It was from a 2010 commercial promoting Iron Man 2.  Check it out:

It was a fun, forgettable gag that was probably lost amongst the avalanche of Marvel media that has inundated us for the last decade or so.  But I was recently reminded of it during a visit to the Dr Pepper Museum in Waco, TX when I turned the corner and saw...

Hello, old friend.  Long time, no see.  It was on display along with tons and tons of other Dr Pepper memorabilia.  It looked a little wider in person and a lot less hi-tech.  It's always interesting to see the cardboard and paint that makes up our favorite sci-fi props. 

Birthday Box

Previously:

Bowl Game  - -  Breakfast Feud  

It's Cap'n Crunch's birthday but you get the present!

Okay, maybe not a present but a new cereal variant instead.  Cap'n Crunch's Birthday Crunch was on the shelves recently to celebrate the maritime mascot's 60th birthday.  The celebratory cereal is "Birthday Cake" flavor (which isn't really a thing) and allows breakfast enthusiasts to celebrate right along with the breakfast elder.  The multi-colored cereal comes in a multi-colored box with lot's of surprises on the back.  Let's take a look:

There's a lot going on.  A lot fo the old gang is back to play games, have fun, and celebrate the big 6-0.  Just for funsies, let's see what we can see in a back-of-the-box breakdown.

Every celebration needs a celebrity guest and this one has Quisp!  The fellow Quaker Cereal mascot decided to do a walk-on with well wishes for the Cap'n on his big day.  I though at first he was in one of his wacky, space-aged flying saucer contraptions but it looks like some other party guests are also riding in the pseudo-saucers.

The Cap'n's trusty companion Seadog and nefarious villain Jean LaFoote, the barefoot pirate, are both riding around in these things.  There's a party atmosphere so maybe they're meant to be some kind of carnival rides?  Only the Cereal Gods know for sure.

Young Brunhilde is also in attendance and decided to make it a pool party by diving into a giant bowl of the new, colorful concoction.  This is meant to be a maze you can navigate while you crunch your morning meal but it doesn't make sense to me.  Is the milk part supposed to be the path?  That clearly doesn't go anywhere near the "Finish."  And what's with this guy:

Is this supposed to be one of the Soggies?  I know it's been awhile but the design isn't right.  The eyes aren't yellow and there's some kind of pink/purple substance around the eyes.  There appears to be a cereal piece that's incorrectly(?) colored white that may or may not be a nose?  Maybe I'm out of the loop concerning the extended Cap'n Crunch Universe but this one is a head scratcher.

Smedly's back in all his peanut buttery glory.  Another part of the box instructs hungry readers to find five rings to "fling on" his snout.  I took a look around and found a couple.  This is the type of activity that may require multiple breakfast attempts to complete.  But after all this fun, it's time for presents:

Nothing beats a fun unscramble first thing in the morning.  The answer to this puzzle doubles down on the questionable celebratory cereal "flavor."  All in all, it's not a bad way to pass the time while working through your bowl.  Congrats to the Cap'n on reaching the milestone and here's to 60 more years of breakfast shenanigans!

For King and Crunchie

Previously:

Bowl Game  - -  Big Time

In the 60s, the "Space Race" was in full swing, ushering the United States and the Soviet Union into an era of innovation and discovery.  While the nations' eyes were on the skies, space was not necessarily the final frontier as terrestrial adventurers were still making discoveries of their own.  Two years before the crew of the Apollo 11 touched down on the moon, the crew of the S.S. Guppy made landfall on Crunch Berry Island.

 And it didn't take the gallant Cap'n and crew long to discover the island's most delicious natural resource.  It was young Brunhilde who first found the exotic yet delicious looking vegetation.  And just as quickly as she found the Crunch Berries, she started consuming them.  Bold?  Yes.  Irresponsible?  Definitely.  But fortunate favors the irresponsible.

A couple of interesting things of note are mentioned in this commercial.  First, apparently Crunch Berries are automatically crunchy right off the bush.  That would be a red flag for me but it doesn't slow the Cap'n down at all.  They also "Taste like strawberries" according to crewman Dave.  At least that's what I think he says.  He has a weird way of pronouncing "strawberries" though so there's still some nagging doubt in the back of my mind.  He says it twice in one commercial which is odd as I don't remember Crunch Berries ever being described as tasting like anything other than "Crunch Berries."

Also, the Cap'n mentions being eager to "tell the folks at Quaker" of his newfound snack.  This seems to clarify that the Cap'n and his crew are not attached to a specific Navy but instead are having their voyages financed by Quaker Cereals with the goal of finding delicious new breakfast flavors.  But that's not the only things they found.

 Behold the Crunchberry Beast!  Though it's not explicitly stated in his commercial debut that the creature hails from Crunchberry island, it is pointed out that his diet consists of nothing but Crunch Berries so I think we can put two and two together here.  While CB seems like the kind that would chafe at the domesticated life, as long as he's provided with a steady stream of his favorite food he maintains his position as a loyal part of the Cap'n's crew.

All this useless information serves as an in-canon origin for the sweet breakfast treat and one of the more successful of the Cap'n's mission as he was able to supply his patrons with a new breakfast flavor and provide himself with a new monster/crewman for future missions.  As usual, the Cap'n makes it happ'n. 

Food Fright

Previously: Dead Man's Party

 Fifty years of bowl after bowl of monstrously fruity (and chocolatey) breakfasts have led us here:  the Golden Anniversary of General Mills' Monster Cereals!  Initially, a year-round phenomena, now Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry and the gang are currently relegated to a once-a-year appearance during the Halloween season.  Since this year is the 50th anniversary of the OG morning monsters, it was decided that they'd get the band back together...the entire band.

  The big three: Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry are joined by their lesser known compatriots, Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy, for an all-star jam known as "Monster Mash."  The once in a lifetime breakfast treat is a mix of all the cereals together in the ultimate mash-up.

Here's the lineup of what actually ends up in your bowl.  You've got the Boo Berry and Frankenberry crunchy parts of the cereal and what appears to be Count Chocula inspired Bat & Swirl marshmallows.  You'll notice the orange and yellow marshmallows representing Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy in some nondescript shape.  There's also a pink version of that marshmallow and when you see it, you might think the shape is Frankeberry's head.  But if that's the case, what's with that shape being in the other colors?  A mystery for another time, perhaps.

As for the taste, eh...modern Monster Cereals get a lot of grief for forgoing the original oat-based recipe for the current, cheaper corn-based brew.  I normally don't notice those types of things but this time I picked up on the "Cheese Puff" type of texture.  It has an overall fruity taste and if there's meant to be any notes of chocolate (or "Chocula"), it's too subtle for me to pick up on.  

But this isn't the kind of cereal you buy for taste.  This is an event!  And it's not just confined to the cereal aisle.  Say hello to Monster Mash fruit snacks.

  The gang has their trick-or-treat buckets with them to invoke thoughts of Halloween hijinks and possibly to encourage folks to give these beauties out to youngsters on the Halloween candy hunt.  Looks like there was another attempt to prevent throwing a chocolate monkey wrench into the fruity flavors, so the official flavor is "Spooky Berry" and the Count is represented in "grape purple" instead of his usual "cocoa brown."

The whole gang is here along with "Fruit Castle" in green on the left.  The quality of the likenesses vary from character to character but they're all there in spirit, if not in flavor.  If you're not handing out full-sized Snickers on the 31st then these may be the next big thing.

Congrats to the Monster Squad on 50 years of chills, thrills, and the occasional milk spills.  I'm looking forward to the next 50!

Group Outing

 It's fair to say I'm way behind on everything, not the least of which are limited edition cereal promotions.  For the past year or two Kellogg's has had a special release during June for Pride Month and I had yet to get my grubby hands on the rare cereal.  That all changed on one of my frequent trips to discount grocery chain "Big Lots."

Like I said, I'm behind on everything and had thought that this might have been a mail-away promotion like they had been previously ( I think).  But there they were right in front of me, discounted and ripe for the picking.  Many of Kellogg's MVP team of mascots all in one place, and in one cereal...it was a piece of history that I just had to add to my shopping cart.

Now all those A-list mascots hanging out together (as well as the name "Together") might give you the impression that this is a mix of all your favorite Kellogg's cereals in one box but that seems to be an unbreachable barrier from the cereal giant.  Previously, the box included mini-boxes of each cereal but this year it's a brand new cereal made up of multi-colored hearts.  I was a little surprised by this but in hindsight I shouldn't have been since that's what is clearly pictured on the front of the box.  Guess I was so excited to find it that my powers of perception were greatly diminished because I didn't even notice until I cracked open the box at home.

No problem for me though, as I'm just happy to be a part of a cereal event....even if I'm super late to the party.  But I'm still holding out hope to see Froot Loops, Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes and the rest of the gang both figuratively and literally "together" next year.

Let's Go Shopping With Punky Brewster

 Also you probably recall, "Punky Brewster" was a classic 80s sitcom about a spunky young orphan girl who gets adopted by the Commandant from Police Academy and together they get into primarily low-stakes hijinks. 

For example, how about a simple shopping trip for groceries?  Low stakes, yet ample opportunity Punky to get up to shenanigans.  But what's most interesting for me is to check out the retro 1984 foodstuffs.  Like most TV shows they needed to hide specific logos and brands but it's always fun to try to ID some of your favorites.  

In order to hide logos, it looks like the production team mainly just turned items backwards and upside down.  In the circled box behind Punky you can see a cereal box with a free coupon for a Dairy Queen sundae.  This was a promotion by Kellogg's around this time.  But take a look at the box next to it.  Recognize it?

What we have here is a box of Star Wars C-3POs cereal with a special offer on the back for "Sticker Trading Cards."  A quick Google search tells me that most of the time, the back of C-3POs had a cut-out mask of one of the characters but I guess at some point Star Wars fans demanded more and they got it.

Cap'n Crunch was on fire at this time, so much so that he could just give away fistfuls of cash.  Not enough to get Punky's attention though as she passes right by the "Win $1,000 Cash" promotion on this box.  Not sure what variation of Cap'n Crunch it was but I'm pretty sure it would have stopped the 1984 version of me dead in my tracks if I had been there.

And finally we get a look at some classic, square yellow Oscar Mayer lunch meat packaging.  They've changed their look over time and you can still find some similar packages in stores today but there's no yellow like "80s yellow."

There also may or may not have been some Ecto Cooler in the background at one point but this was well before 4K video so we may never know for sure.  Mysteries of the grocery aisle abound so it's important to stay vigil.

Big Time

 They say everything is bigger in Texas but do "they" mean cereal too?  "Bigger" can be relative, especially in the cereal aisle where birds, rabbits, cavemen and leprechauns all compete for your attention and a place in your shopping cart.  In order to stand out from the crowd you need to do something big.

 And then along comes our old friend Cap'n Crunch with something we didn't even know we wanted: "Cap'n Crunch's Texas Sized Crunch Berries."  It's been way too long since we've had a Texas themed cereal and I was surprised at what a welcome site this was.  The "Limited Edition" breakfast treat boasts Crunch Berries that are three times bigger and has the Cap'n decked out in his Texas dude duds.

Depending on your familiarity with Crunch Berries, these may or may not seem "Texas Sized" to you.  I have to admit I was a little unimpressed at first glance.  I guess it's been awhile since I've had a bowl of the Cap'n's delight since they didn't seem all that big to me.  I assume that regular crunch berries are three times smaller but I honestly didn't want to expend the extra effort or cash to buy a regular box for comparison.  That would be a lot of cereal to get rid of.

So in order to give you a better idea of their size, I've included some State Fair of Texas tickets for perspective.  You can also see here how much bigger the berries are than the regular Cap'n Crunch pieces (do they have a name?).  This also got me in the mood for the inevitable "Deep Fried Cap'n Crunch" which must be coming to the State Fair at some point, if it hasn't already (like the Deep Fried Froot Loops I tried awhile back).

While you chew on that, let's head to the back of the box.  Sure, the "Texas sized" Crunch Berries might have been a disappointment but the Cap'n makes up for it with some Texas themed activities for your morning meal entertainment.  Apparently the "Tex-A-Tron XL" is the machine that makes the bigger Crunch Berries?  Regardless, it's up to you to unscramble the names of famous Texas locations in order to fix it.

If Crunch Berries aren't big enough for you then there are plenty of things in Texas that are.  Before you drink the milk, take some time to find your favorite Texas "big things" in the Cap'n's word search.  Not a bad way to start the morning.

Is Texas the only state in the country to have their own cereal?  Probably not.  I assume there's some kind of "California Something Or Other Granola" out there somewhere but I'll take the Cap'n over that any day of the week.

Bag in Time

It was 1996 and the Marvel machine was a mere shadow of what it would become.  Movies were just a pipe dream then and cartoons were king.  The spotlight didn't fall on the Avengers as much as it did Spider-Man, the X-Men and the Fantastic Four.  With small screen success comes attention from powerful people.  And who's more powerful than Ronald McDonald? 

...which brings us to the Marvel Super Heroes Happy meal.  Now, a more ambitious blog would have a complete breakdown of each of the Happy Meals Toys and perhaps a little bit of information/trivia about them.  I don't have that.  What I do have is two of the bags used at the time for the promotion (see pic above).  I bought them for less than a dollar on eBay and then promptly forgot about them.  But when they arrived in the mail today, the happy-go-lucky heroes, with they're word jumbles and brain teasers, inspired me to pop them in the scanner.

The first bag gives us a scenario that involves the visible Invisible Woman who seems to have had the tables turned on her.  Her friends are the ones who have disappeared.  Can you help her find the Hulk, the Human Torch, Jubilee and Spider-Man?  If not, then maybe connect with a smiling Wolverine and help him with his word puzzle.

In yet another Spider-Man/X-Men team-up, Spidey has shot some webs to stick it to his three mutant pals.  Can you figure out which line goes to the (still-smiling) Wolverine, Storm and Jubilee?  Admittedly, it took me a few attempts.  

Grab the scissors and paste and head to the side of the bag.  It's time to put these panels of Spidey in the "correct" order.  Although the avant-garde side of me would insist that there are multiple "correct" orders and Spider-Man's unique skill set could lead to any number of routes up and down that building.  Regardless, let's check out the next bag.

Next up is a game of observation.  Find the differences between the right and left side of the room.  I'm assuming the obvious ones like Thing/Hulk and Spider-Man/Wolverine totally count.  But honestly, it's more difficult finding things that actually do match on each side of the room.  Maybe it's more challenging when you're working through a french fry coma.  

The other side is more of a group shot of the gang along with a low effort word jumble.  It's interesting to note that there only seems to be three X-Men on each bag and only 3/4 of the Fantastic Four.  It's always curious to see odd character pairing like this. 

If you've been lamenting the lack of mazes on these things, then lament no more.  The Thing needs to find the Hulk through this rock wall place.  If you've got a spare 6 seconds, give it a try.  

You might have noticed the mention of a "Marvel-ous Offer" on the both of these bags.  Let's turn the bag over to the final side to see what it could be:

If you like Marvel Super Heroes Happy Meals, odds are you probably like Spider-Man Magazine.  All it took was a $1.50 for shipping and handling and this order form from your Happy Meal bag, and two issues of those bad boys would eventually be mailed to you.

So there you have an impromptu look at two 25 year old happy meal bags.  If they were to do this promotion today we might still see the Hulk and Spider-Man but the rest would unfortunately be left out in the cold.  Here's hoping that another round of hit movies get these guys back on the lunch menu.

The Post Man

 Post Cereals has been one of the giants in the breakfast game for quite awhile now.  From Grape Nuts to Fruity Pebbles, everybody has a favorite.  But cereal dynasties aren't born, they're made.  And this one was made by a guy named C.W. Post.  If you look into his life you'll find out that he wasn't always such a great guy but but that milk of negativity wasn't enough make his legacy soggy enough to deny him a statue...and I just happened to visit it recently.

 And there he sits, perched high upon his throne, welcoming visitors to the Garza County Courthouse in Post, TX.  Yes, he has a town named after him.  And, yes, he named it after himself after he founded it.  Of course, it was originally called "Post City" and it was meant to be a paradise based on his utopian vision which involved prohibiting alcohol and recreational fornication.  But currently, it's not that different from any other small Texas town.

 

 

Right behind the statue is a Texas Historical marker.  It reads:

     "Internationally known creator of Post Cereals, advertising genius, inventor and innovator, founder of Post City in 1906. Through the purchase of the Curry Comb Ranch and adjacent land approximating 225,000 acres he began his dream of building self-contained model community of towns and farms. Mr. Post financed, supervised and built town without profit to himself. Settlers were offered ownership of business or farm sites far below cost. Mr. Post planned community of debt-free private ownership in every field of endeavor, and sought to make his vision true to its purpose."

 

I'm sure this isn't the only monument to a cereal magnate but my travels have yet to take me to Battle Creek, MI to investigate further.  If you want to visit Post's town (and his statue) you can find it in the in the vicinity of the middle of nowhere in the southern end of the Texas panhandle.  Don't forget the milk!