Salt Seeing

The Morton Salt Girl has never been one of the more flashy product mascots but she's a bit of a workhorse.  She's been holding her umbrella and spilling her salt for over a century.  Sure, she may be frequently overlooked by flashier guys like Mr. Peanut or the Green Giant but I found a palace where she reigns as queen.

The Grand Salt Palace is just that...a building dedicated to, and made of, salt!  Found in Grand Saline, TX, the museum and visitors center celebrates America's favorite spice.  That's because there's a huge salt deposit in the area and Morton mines it for potato chip lovers everywhere.  It's what you call a "Salt Town."  (I don't know if anybody calls it that but I do.)

So proud of their natural resource, the town built its Welcome Center out of it.   You can build buildings out of rock, and salt is a rock so naturally synergy won the day.  Visitors are even encouraged to taste the salty structure...so we did...

Guess what it tastes like?  If you guessed salt, you're right!  I can't make any claims about how hygienic it is but pretty much every visitor seems to give it a lick.  My advice to new visitors is to try and find an unappealing corner somewhere that has had a minimum of licking.  Good luck!

Inside you'll find the type of pamphlets and local history displays that populate many small town museums.  What makes this one stand out is the free rock salt samples (Spoiler: they taste like salt) and, of course, Morton Salt Girl Memorabilia in its various forms.

As usual, there's a surprising amount of stuff with this particular mascot on it but, to paraphrase Dr. Ian Malcolm, Marketing...finds a way... 

Also on site is the standard little old lady to answer all your salt and salt related questions, an educational video about salt playing on a loop and the obligatory penny smashing machine.  I would definitely recommend a stop at this place if it's only a few hours off your pre-planned route.  But I'm into weird stuff like this.

Now I need to find some water.  I'm feeling thirsty.  But before I go, see if you can spot the old gal among her fellow icons in this commercial:

Keeping Kool Part 2

Previously:

Keeping Kool Part 1  - -  Kool and the Gang  - -  Playing it Kool

Awhile back we cracked open the first issue of "The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man" comics and joined Big Red and the gang on a baseball themed adventured that was hot and sweaty until the forces of good (hydration) won the day.  Now it's time to return to the sun drenched pages of the historic first issue to continue the summertime shenanigans.   Things are happening at the amusement park...big things...

No longer content to ruin fun on a small scale, the Thirsties have rolled out their most perilous prize to parch park patrons.  (I don't know why I felt the need to add such unnecessary alliteration.)  I've never seen a Thirstie this big and neither has anyone else.  The amount of trouble it can cause is in direct proportion to its...proportions...and it proceeds to make itself a general pain to just about anyone it can get to.

Well obviously this kind of thing isn't exactly conducive to summertime fun so a hero must rise.  A few panels earlier we were introduced to a group of kids because, whether it's Kool-Aid Man or the Quik Bunny, young bystanders in the way of danger are a definite necessity.  Okay kids, do what you're here to do:

Sure, we all know that Kool-Aid Man likes to smash through walls but usually is seems like he's coming from the outside in.  But in this case he was clearing enjoying himself in the Fun House (50 cents, not a bad price...even in the 80s) when he got the call and wasted no time making his own exit.

He comes in hot and he comes in swinging!  After a minimum amount of turn-of-phrase, the big man makes with the fisticuffs but it doesn't go his way.

Something's clearly going on here since our boy passed right though the giant Thirsties' leg instead of boiling right inside his own pitcher.  Magic?  Madness?  Or perhaps something far more sinister...science?!?  In order to find out, Kool-Aid Man must take to the skies!

In hindsight, I guess it was best that Kool-Aid Man bought that helicopter instead of renting it because he's definitely using it more than we all thought he would. Let that be a lesson to all you product mascots who are hesitating on splurging on that big purchase.  Follow your dreams!

So it turns out what we're dealing with is less of a giant new species of Thirst Monster and more of a trick of the light.  The Thirstie powers-that-be have invested in holographic technology instead of helicopters in the quest to be jerks so it didn't take more than a well placed mirror to make the great beast get placed firmly in the "Where Are They Now?' file.  Problem solved, right?

 Looks like "Big Thirstie" is out for blood.  Cherry flavored blood!  That doesn't bode well for our hero and this story's gang of kids but Kool-Aid Man is too busy being oblivious at the amusement park to know he's being marked for death.

After a a quick intro between Big Red and the kids, the gang stumbles across an absent-minded scientist who is showing off his brand new rocket at the amusement park for no discernible reason.  Since they're all so giddy from dispatching the giant Thirst Beast they were happy to hop in and take the tour.

 I thought it took a lot of restraint on the part of the writer to choose not to do the "lunch/launch" joke here but it came at the expense of Kool-Aid Man's suaveness.  And just like that, this "Monster at the Park" story becomes an outer space adventure, complete with its own Death Star:

Having headquarters shaped as yourself is a classic villain move and the Thirsties lean into it hard.  Piloting the rocket doesn't seem to be an issue thanks to one of the kids who claimed to have watched a lot of scifi movies thus giving her a spaceship-flying skill set.  But hey, you can't argue with results.  

Always ready for a fight, Kool-Aid Man decides to seize the opportunity to slap around the bad guys some more, so he grabs a jet pack (and of course, his pitcher) and zooms out to do what he does.

Oops, he did it again.  You would think that busting through the exterior wall of a spaceship would get everyone sucked out into oblivion but...no.  It doesn't really get addressed here.  This comic already taught you how to get rid of holograms with a mirror, how much more science do you want?

Kool-Aid Man's thirst for vengeance is slaked fairly quickly since the Thirstie's zap-zap-ray-gun that they tried to shoot him with essentially blew up in their faces.  So with that anti-climax, the only things left to do were some light gloating and flying that rocket back home.

  

Wrongs were righted.  Buckles were swashed.  Thirsts were quenched.  It might not have been Kool-Aid Man's first adventure but it was first issue of what eventually ran a half dozen issues or so.  That means something!  To me, at least...oh yeah!