Keeping Kool Part 2

Previously:

Keeping Kool Part 1  - -  Kool and the Gang  - -  Playing it Kool

Awhile back we cracked open the first issue of "The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man" comics and joined Big Red and the gang on a baseball themed adventured that was hot and sweaty until the forces of good (hydration) won the day.  Now it's time to return to the sun drenched pages of the historic first issue to continue the summertime shenanigans.   Things are happening at the amusement park...big things...

No longer content to ruin fun on a small scale, the Thirsties have rolled out their most perilous prize to parch park patrons.  (I don't know why I felt the need to add such unnecessary alliteration.)  I've never seen a Thirstie this big and neither has anyone else.  The amount of trouble it can cause is in direct proportion to its...proportions...and it proceeds to make itself a general pain to just about anyone it can get to.

Well obviously this kind of thing isn't exactly conducive to summertime fun so a hero must rise.  A few panels earlier we were introduced to a group of kids because, whether it's Kool-Aid Man or the Quik Bunny, young bystanders in the way of danger are a definite necessity.  Okay kids, do what you're here to do:

Sure, we all know that Kool-Aid Man likes to smash through walls but usually is seems like he's coming from the outside in.  But in this case he was clearing enjoying himself in the Fun House (50 cents, not a bad price...even in the 80s) when he got the call and wasted no time making his own exit.

He comes in hot and he comes in swinging!  After a minimum amount of turn-of-phrase, the big man makes with the fisticuffs but it doesn't go his way.

Something's clearly going on here since our boy passed right though the giant Thirsties' leg instead of boiling right inside his own pitcher.  Magic?  Madness?  Or perhaps something far more sinister...science?!?  In order to find out, Kool-Aid Man must take to the skies!

In hindsight, I guess it was best that Kool-Aid Man bought that helicopter instead of renting it because he's definitely using it more than we all thought he would. Let that be a lesson to all you product mascots who are hesitating on splurging on that big purchase.  Follow your dreams!

So it turns out what we're dealing with is less of a giant new species of Thirst Monster and more of a trick of the light.  The Thirstie powers-that-be have invested in holographic technology instead of helicopters in the quest to be jerks so it didn't take more than a well placed mirror to make the great beast get placed firmly in the "Where Are They Now?' file.  Problem solved, right?

 Looks like "Big Thirstie" is out for blood.  Cherry flavored blood!  That doesn't bode well for our hero and this story's gang of kids but Kool-Aid Man is too busy being oblivious at the amusement park to know he's being marked for death.

After a a quick intro between Big Red and the kids, the gang stumbles across an absent-minded scientist who is showing off his brand new rocket at the amusement park for no discernible reason.  Since they're all so giddy from dispatching the giant Thirst Beast they were happy to hop in and take the tour.

 I thought it took a lot of restraint on the part of the writer to choose not to do the "lunch/launch" joke here but it came at the expense of Kool-Aid Man's suaveness.  And just like that, this "Monster at the Park" story becomes an outer space adventure, complete with its own Death Star:

Having headquarters shaped as yourself is a classic villain move and the Thirsties lean into it hard.  Piloting the rocket doesn't seem to be an issue thanks to one of the kids who claimed to have watched a lot of scifi movies thus giving her a spaceship-flying skill set.  But hey, you can't argue with results.  

Always ready for a fight, Kool-Aid Man decides to seize the opportunity to slap around the bad guys some more, so he grabs a jet pack (and of course, his pitcher) and zooms out to do what he does.

Oops, he did it again.  You would think that busting through the exterior wall of a spaceship would get everyone sucked out into oblivion but...no.  It doesn't really get addressed here.  This comic already taught you how to get rid of holograms with a mirror, how much more science do you want?

Kool-Aid Man's thirst for vengeance is slaked fairly quickly since the Thirstie's zap-zap-ray-gun that they tried to shoot him with essentially blew up in their faces.  So with that anti-climax, the only things left to do were some light gloating and flying that rocket back home.

  

Wrongs were righted.  Buckles were swashed.  Thirsts were quenched.  It might not have been Kool-Aid Man's first adventure but it was first issue of what eventually ran a half dozen issues or so.  That means something!  To me, at least...oh yeah!

Ranger Things

Previously:

Nolan Ryan: The Comic Book  - -  Nolan's Beef at Dairy Queen

It was the early 90s and the corporate synergy stars aligned when Sports Illustrated, Kellogg's and DC Comics decided to mash themselves together into a chunky paste they called "Tony's Sports Comics."  The concept involved the legendary Frosted Flakes mascot teaming up with sports stars to encourage kids to get active and burn off the calories they racked up from, say...I don't know...various sugar frosted cereals?

I've seen other examples with Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Ozzie Smith but, of course, the one I'm most interested in features the great Nolan Ryan.  He played for both the Astros and the Rangers and is one of the top Texas sports icons of all time.

Our story begins in Cooperstown with Nolan and Tony visiting the Baseball Hall of Fame.  They notice a weirdo talking to the Babe Ruth statue and decide to intervene.  Young Paul wants to make it to the big leagues some day but he's weak in the hitting department.  Nolan tells him about some great former players that also couldn't hit worth a darn but it's hardly a comfort and Paul bolts.

Swing and a miss for the would-be mentor.  But Tony is right there for his bro and he's raring to go track down that kid and bug encourage him some more about baseball.  It's the kind of well meaning enthusiasm that only a sugar-buzzed cartoon tiger could have.  In fact, he's so hyped up he feels the need to go through some of the highlights of Nolan's career.

But enough grandstanding!  It's time to track down that kid whose name I think is Paul.  Let's face it, between the All-Star pitcher and the cereal mascot, he was kind of forgettable. Once they eventually catch up with him they suggest that maybe hitting just isn't his thing...but what about pitching?

Now that these two have totally inserted themselves in this kid's life, it was time to start the hard work.  The comic seems to genuinely try to include actual exercise/training information, or at least I think it does.  But since I don't know anything about training to be a pitcher I couldn't tell you if anything is actually accurate.  But there's something about learning a desirable skill form a freebie promotional comic book that seems very natural to me.  That being said, you'll never guess what training for the big leagues involves starting your day with...

Start the training montage!  If you like stories about weight training, stretching, fastball grips and form on the mound then this is the story for you!  Tony and Nolan (mainly Nolan) go over the fundamentals with Paul and they practice, practice, practice!  Or they just tell him to practice and then go back to their respective ranches.  I know Nolan has a ranch and I assume Tony has one too...filled with delicious sugar frosted antelopes and gazelles (with some sliced bananas to keep it healthy)!

Game time!  Later at a impromptu playground ball game, one of the kids gets called home for dinner (perhaps a cross-over story followed up in a Kraft Cheesasaurus Rex comic?) so Paul gets his big shot at the mound.  And, wouldn't you know it, Nolan & Tony's advice pays off!  Paul struck out the batter and I learned the term "whiffed."  But that's not all...

Looks like Paul made it all the way to State!  And all it took was some personal coaching from one of the best baseball players of all time, encouragement from a professional cereal legend, and (reading between the lines here) bowl after bowl of Frosted Flakes!  Sounds like a winning combination to me!

Keeping Kool Part 1

Previously:

Kool and the Gang  - -  Playing it Kool

It's time to once again join the big red boy scout on one (actually, two) of his four-colored adventures to quench thirsts and kick ass.  I've taken a dive into the sweet red waters of Kool-Aid comics before but this one seems to be the first official issue of "The Adventures pf Kool-Aid Man."  And what adventures they are!  Two for the price of none, as this seems to be another promotional freebie.  So let's find a wall and smash though it already!

The first story in our double header starts appropriately enough at a little league baseball game...or at the concession stand to be more precise.  The Thirsties, a group of firey nogoodniks with an urge to get kids parched, commandeer the snack hut and withhold refreshing refreshment from the overheated young players.  There's only one anthropomorphized pitcher that can take care of the situation.

With the fisticuffs done, it was time for Kool-Aod Man to get to know this issue's ragtag group of kids, each one having one (and only one) defining characteristic.  An adventurous bunch, they all pile in to Kool-Aid Man's helicopter (with very little encouragement) and fly off to the Kool-Aid HQ.  Not the most responsible move by the kiddos (or whatever adult was supposed to be supervising) but in the 80s kids just went places with product mascots...it's just what you did back then...

Check this place out.  I wonder who lived here before Kool-Aid Man?  I bet this was a low effort sale for the real estate agent.  If you've ever wondered what KAM's address was, well here it is: Number One Kool-Aid Plaza.  I'm definitely going to file that away for stalking purposes later.

Before anyone could realize how awkward the situation was (a sentient pitcher of sugar water essentially abducting a group of kids), the gang was alerted to some trouble via KAM's trouble alert thingy and off they went to intercede in a volleyball game that was in the process of being ruined by a vicious pack of Thirsties.

I think it's worth noting that Kool-Aid Man picked a spot behind the only sign/structure on the beach specifically so he can burst through it in his trademark style.  So our current "wall destruction" tally is 2.

After making short work of the Thirsties, and not expressing any kind of interest in repairing the property damage he caused, Big Red piled the kids up in his chopper and took them all home.  Which is a good thing since they needed to rest up for their game the next day.

You may not be surprised to learn that, once again, the Thirsties were on the scene stealing bases, overheating hot dogs and just generally being douchey to people who were trying to have a good time.

After one of their shiny shenanigans blinds an umpire and makes him blow a call at home plate, tempers flare and the situation boils over.  So it was time to call in the big gun...

Wall Destruction Tally: 3 and counting. This one gets two pages and I'd like to think it's available as a poster somewhere.  I'd trade in a Kool-Aid point or two to have this work of art framed and hanging over my mantle.

Rampant property destruction notwithstanding, since this is the climax of the story you may be expecting an Avengers-style full on battle scene between Kool-Aid Man, the baseball kids and the Thirsties (with maybe a cameo or two by Great Bluedini or Purplesaurus Rex) but prepare to be disappointed...

...he throws them into a lake.  Also, if there was some foreshadowing earlier in the story about a lake being near the ballpark I must have missed it.  He also doubles down on the "pitcher" pun he seems so fond of.  This is probably his only baseball comic story so I can't blame him for ringing that bell a few times.

With the Thirsties doused, the kids resume the game and imbibe on glass after glass of refreshing Kool-Aid.  Sounds like a fun afternoon to me.  But the fun's not over.  This was just the first of two wet & wacky roller coaster rides in this issue.  Next up?  "There is nothing so cold....as spaaaaacccccccccccee!"

To be continued!

Got Time For a Quik Story?

 Previously:

Fish Story  - -  Flash Fried  - -  About a Boy  - -  Burn Notice

 Some team-ups are inevitable.   They just seem like a perfectly natural pairing that the universe itself could not slow down the natural synergy between a like minded pair.  But some team-ups...are a little more head scratchingly arbitrary.  They may not seem like a natural fit and yet great things are accomplished.  This brings us to the 1987 comic book "Superman Meets the Quik Bunny"!

The story begins with a quick tease of Superman running afoul of a member of the Flash's rogue's gallery.  The Weather Wizard is using his magic weather wand to make things go straight up bonkers in Metropolis.

Meanwhile, we get a "quik" introduction to the members of the "Quik Qlub" as they finish building their tree house while the Quik Bunny supervises.

Of course they celebrate with a round of chocolate milks and in the process we get a good look inside the tree house they built.  It seems to have a surprising amount of sophisticated computer equipment.  But before we can wonder how or why, we get a quik expedited introduction of each of the Qlub members and their specialties:

Seems like some or all of this information might become relevant at some point.  You may notice in the back of that panel that Superman is on the news on their high tech homemade tree house entertainment system.

Well, the gang sees the trouble going on in Metropolis and decided that four kids and a chocolate craving rabbit were exactly what the situation needed.  So they unleashed the first of many of the secrets they built into their tree house:

Yes, the tree house these kids just built is also a helicopter.  It's almost enough to make you forget about the talking bunny...and possibly Superman.  But the Man of Steel, the Quik Bunny and the Quik Qlub kids finally all converge in Metropolis in time for the kids to assume they saved Superman and for Superman to tell them that they didn't.

One of the aspects of the comic is puzzles and brain teasers that pop up every couple of pages.  They're a part of the story and are meant for the reader as well as the Qlub kids to solve.  The answers are typically the location for where the Weather Wizard has gone.  That's why one of the kids is so cocky to Supes in the last panel.

Each puzzle plays into one of the aforementioned strengths/interests of the club members so even if the reader isn't able (or willing) to decipher the clues, the Chocolate Milk Brigade will take care of it.  And that's how they found out the Weather Wizard next target was...

This comic is surprisingly long with multiple altercations in multiple locations.  To save time let's just say they face both puzzles and the Weather Wizard in Washington D.C. and at the pyramids of Egypt before having a final confrontation at the Great Wall of China.  (Also the Qlub House turned into a blimp and boat and all kinds of other stuff.)

In addition to being able to change into various vehicles and containing state of the art computer equipment, the Quik Qlub tree house also has the ability to manufacture a facsimile of the Quik Bunny to use as a decoy to trick weather controlling villains.

And it's just that easy.  After the clean up and dropping off the Weather Wizard at the local loony bin, the only thing left to do is enjoy some of that sweet, sweet Nestle Quik flavored chocolate milk.